Blood Phobia

Blood!~ Blood!~ Blood!~

One day, during one history class, my nice teacher decided to do something different.

He played a documentary for us to learn and understand Japanese cultural during world war II if I didn't remembered wrongly.

Halfway through the documentary, the Japanese warriors started killing innocent people brutally with blood zooming out and splashing all over the place.

At that moment, all the stuffs inside my stomach started churning and flowing past my oesophagus to my mouth.

From then on, I knew I can't see BLOOD!!!

Over the years, I thought I have overcome this phobia of mine.

However, that day, when I was doing research on wisdom tooth extraction, I chanced upon this youtube video showing the slicing of the gum and the oozing of the blood.

Argh...

The stomach churned again and I knew that I had not gotten over the phobia for blood.

In addition, when signing into someone's facebook account today, in the top news, I saw BLOOD in one of the photos posted while I was having my breakfast.

Nearly vomitted everything out but since I was in the office, I could only close the website immediately and endure.

Now, I wonder if I could continue with my dream. >.<

One good news before I end today's entry.

The IAEP trip planned has been approved by the HOD and now awaiting approval from the PCEO.

Wish us all the best!!! =)

钻牛角尖

钻牛角尖

我不知道为什么我常常钻牛角尖。

明明知道不能那么做，但每一次都因为这样而和朋友吵架。

生气的时候会对所有的事感到绝望。

绝望的时候会冲动地做出一些傻事。

平静后又会不知所措又会后悔。

有谁能唤醒我？

当我把你推开时，你会选择永远离开还是会坚持留在我身旁呢？

我多么希望你能在我身旁。。。

Boring Saturday

Early this morning, I went alone to Northpoint to queue for Dr Kam to purchase Bak Foong Pills from Eu Yan Sang.

Today, they having a two hours promotion.

I reached at 9am and there was already a long queue.

Luckily for me, I met a nice lady queued in front of me.

She helped me find two more coupons or else I will have to return to queue again with my brother tomorrow.

Thus, I only took 1.5 hours from the time I queued to the time I paid for the pills.=D

Yesterday, after work, due to a project requirement, I went to KFC with Angerline for dinner.

This is the most grossed out meal I had ever got.

Both of us got ourselves the two pieces of chicken and requested for drumstick and thigh meat.

Since I am the one who started eating it, I started peeling the skin and fats off the chicken meat.

On the process, I would stop and show Angerline what's the fats and asked her to feel the texture of the fats.

Aww. I am NOT going to eat KFC!

This reminded me one thing.

I should never do or link my projects to the food I eat.

For example: Tau suan and watermelon juice. (Thanks to Shu Yi!)

At night, I was so upset with somebody and Wen Hui comforted me.

I was thinking of extreme methods to vent my anger until she said that I don't belong to the dark side so I cannot go over there now.

However, who knows when I would go over... >.<

Somebody Stupid

Happy Belated Birthday, Vicky!

I wish you all the best in finding a nice boi to become your boi-friend and gradually saying

'I do' to him.

I finally understand the meaning of 'Don't talk to me. Not in good mood'.

But now to me is 'Don't talk to me. I am a porcupine!'

Somebody...

Somebody tried acting stupid using stupid excuses to get me to a gynae.

Somebody even threaten to take away all my money and beat me up if I refused to follow the instructions given.

I am WeiFen!!!

Those who knows me should know that the somebody who trys to use the hard approach on me, will end up getting a even harder time from me!

I wouldn't care where I am or who are you.

You can jolly well forget about manipulating me.

I am what you forced me to be.

I am not what you see me to be.

Don't worry.

You wouldn't have to let me decide your fate.

I will decide my own fate.

Before you jump off the building, I will make sure I jump before you.

Not because I want to die before you.

But I want you to know that as much as you are pissed with me,

I AM PISSED WITH YOU TOO!

If given a chance and courage, I wouldn't have endured till now.

My Dream

I guess I am still pretty scare of blood that led to the dream of mine.

My dream

In the dream, I wasn't sure if it was due to my parents' quarreling or due to the quarrels between me and my mummy that I decided to leave the family/house for good.

A part of me was very relunctant to leave.

That part of me was because of my younger brother.

Since young, I have a love-hate relationship with my brother.

For this dream, I don't want to leave him alone in the family/house cause I am afraid that he will get hurt more.

But I know that I don't have the capability to take good care of him.

Thus, till that day comes, I will have to leave without him.

Trying to make the "leaving" unknown to my parents, I lied that I will be going out with my besties until very late.

Before leaving, I decided to have the last dinner with them.

At the coffee shop, I saw one of my besties and she almost let the cat out of the bag.

Luckily, I managed to stop her in time.

The next scene, I saw myself at the dental clinic waiting for my turn for consultation while waiting, someone sms-ed me.

That person was very kind and nice.

He is willing to accommodate me over at his place and even tell me, he has gotten my dinner ready and the rest of the family members are waiting for me.

Soon my number came, upon seeing the dentist, he took on his own stand and started to give me local anaesthesia for the extraction of wisdom tooth.

When he start, the blood gushed out non-stop.

He was shocked and didn't know what to do.

I tried to run away or cry out but felt so weak.

Suddenly, I woke up realising that it was only 4am.

Thinking of the Past

It's now 1120pm and I am still awake.

I want to sleep but my hair is still wet.

Thus, I am now stoning in front of my laptop with this entry not knowing what should I put into this current entry.

Another 3 more days since I officially graduated from RP for two years.

Time seemed to breeze by without me knowing.

I can still recall the silly things done...

In Year One Semester One:

1. Running up the Phoenix Campus slope to Block L in heels and managed to win Siew Yen.

2. Kicking the toilet door open when Siew Yen was stucked in one of the cubicle.

3. Asking the canteen auntie to serve us whatever that was left over for lunch

4. Snatching Mr Dark with Siew Yen

In Year One Semester Two:

1. Eating vegetarian food for brunch almost everyday

2. Running to another block's toilet with Elyna just to waste time and it's rumoured that our block's only toilet was haunted

3. Having lots of zi-lian photos taken with Zhi Tong, Nisa and more

In Year Two and Three:

1. Making fun of Shu Yi saying that she looked like one of my friends

2. Skipping class to go play pool yet still informed my mummy that I skipped class

3. Going up and down the floors using the staircase

4. Sharing lunch (e.g. a plate of chicken rice) with Liza

5. Being bluffed by my fyp team mates (Lina, Shu Yi, Cassandra and Priscilla) that we would be going into the mortuary.

There are so many, so many memories that cannot be fully expressed out here.

Deep in my heart, I will always remember these friends of mine no matter where are they now, no matter how distant we might be now and no matter what they might be doing, I wish them all the best!!!

Tomorrow's blog entry will be on the dream I had this morning...

Monday Blues

Monday Blues!!!

Why must we work five days a week?

Singapore simply has so little public holiday.

I need a break from everything.

Thankfully, in the beginning of April, there would be one public holiday.

BUT!

My public holiday would be burned by my Physiology and Infectious Diseases test (if Adrian is able to meet me to do the test on friday) and my mathematics tuition.

Looking further, I am left with only 59 more working days before I am officially a student, no longer a working person.

That means that I can wake up anytime I want and do whatever I want.

(Geok Hui, don't be envious. =P)

I am so unlucky.

I found a bruise on my right wrist.

I wonder how long would it take to recover this time as it's affecting my ability to type since I need to type and use the laptop almost more than 10 hours per day.

I guess I must really find a way to prevent bruising, cutting and etc.

JJ LIN!!!

Random me. =)

My Weekend

Before I start this entry, I want to apologise to Geok Hui.

I'm so sorry. I don't remember what am I supposed to quote from you already.

Perhaps you would want to refresh my memory? >.<

Yesterday, I did so much things in a day with Hui Xuan.

We went shopping around orchard before meeting my family to watch the movie,

"Being Human".

It was a wrong choice made.

The story was so confusing with so many endings to mislead us.

I know that the story is trying to teach us morale in life.

The morale is never lie or do dishonest things in life since you never know when the karma will come back to you.

After that, me and Hui Xuan continued by going to Party World to sing.

Singing really does help to destress. =)

Today, I went to the National Museum for the "Quest for Immortality" with Shu Yi.

I was a bit disappointed by the size of the exhibition.

After the exhibition, Shu Yi is threatening to make me into a mummy.

She wants to remove all my inner organs and remove my brain through the nose before filling my body with soil!!!

Pure evilness.

Happy 21st Birthday, Xin Yu!

Happy 21st Birthday to Mr Tan Xin Yu!!!

I wish that you will have a blissful and smooth sailing life ahead in the new chapter. =)

Thanks to my mathematics tutor for helping me in the areas I am not taught by the lecturer, I managed to get full marks for MTH103 CMA3.

This means that I have to get at least 85/100 for my final exams to get A+

for both BME107 and MTH103.

But would it be easy enough for me?

Yesterday, I was talking to Dr Kam regarding the "Work & Travel" program that I wish to apply for and go to United States for approximately six months.

She actually said that she can recommend me to her professors to allow me to go there to be intern for six months.

Should I go?

Shall end the entry here.

Need to do my notes for the modules.

MRS-S

Today, I came home from work early due to the MRS-S conference.

I felt very satisfying when the poster with only Dr Kam and my name was being hung up on the poster panel.

This is the first time, I am involved in such quality conference.

I am not saying that NHG is not of quality but it's more medical than scientific and the work submitted is of a better level as compared.

However, I would have to say that I preferred NHG over MRS-S cause there're only fixed programme. Haiz. I don't like especially when there isn't topics on the field I like.

Thus, I am forcing myself to be awake during the talk. =(

I have booked my dental appointment for removal of wisdom tooth on the 19th April 2010.

Crossing my fingers that everything will goes right with proper clotting, no short circuit, ...

Hopefully someone would take initiative to accompany me or catch me there.

I am afraid that I might run away on the way to the clinic since it's so far away. =X

为何要让一个沉默的女孩被唤醒？

在现实和虚拟交界的世界里，那女孩迷失了她的方向。

那女孩渴望有个人能在她还没对这世界失望时出现并带她走向未来。

但是，会有那一个人的出现吗？

人间会有奇迹吗？

那女孩会等到吗？

Wisdom Tooth

I got bad news from my dentist!!!

After having the x-ray taken, I have all four wisdom teeth fully grown.

Three are still hidden in the gums and most likely they either won't surface or would only surface when I am in my 30's.

However, one of my wisdom teeth is already causing mild depression into my molar tooth beside it which in turn resulted in slight decay.

The dentist said that I must remove the wisdom tooth soon before I lose the molar tooth and then losing more teeth from the upper jaw.

Urgh!~

But I am afraid. =(

Anyway, apart from the dentist part, one thing I should mention.

Despite that today is a working day, me and Kim Yong were practically slacking.

We were solving the 'activex' in my laptop and then playing with MSN games like helix, checkers, minesweepers, poker tic-tac-toe,...

She "forced" me to play with her cause we were both bored and tired.=X

Final Test for BME107!!!

One more quiz down.

I am now left with the last one for MTH 103.

Today's quiz was horrible.

My mind is in such a mess that I cannot answer most of the questions without refering to the book or notes or through the internet.

Lucky, Adrian was smart enough to tide me over and for helping me get 26/30.

Thanks!!!

Hopefully, the two of us can achieve our aim on getting A+ for the coming test.

加油!加油!加油!

Today, I did something which I deemed it as a very brave action.

Hahax.

I plucked up all the courage I have and dialed the number which I feared.

Apparently, the receiver picked up the call and I conveyed my message across clearly.

After ending the call, I was shocked that I felt nothing at all.

I think I am finally over with that episode in my life.

Congratulation to me!!! =)

无趣的周末

It's early Saturday morning and instead of replenishing my sleep, I am now awake sitting in the living room while two strangers start drilling and "playing" with my house wires on the inside and the outside.

I'm not really very sure what they are doing but my father is super irresponsible!!!

Never inform me what time these people are coming and making me looked so lost.

Argh!~

Forget it.

I should not be feeling angry or irritated on the start of my long waited weekend though my schedule for the two days are pretty boring with studying and revising. =(

Like what Adrian said, in order to get and maintain the good grades, one has to be 'no life'.

But am I willing to sacrifice my life for good grades?

Hmm... I wonder...

I miss my sec sch life + Crazy me!

I have typed this entry when I am feeling super dizzy and tired.

Kindly endure my broken english or grammar mistakes made.

Thanks.

Today, Dr Kam 带我走!

Hahax. We (including Angerline and Song Sin Nee) went to Serangoon Secondary School for the School Outreach Programme to promote School of Applied Science.

Seeing the canteen, classrooms, computer room, toilets, D&T room and more, it makes me miss my secondary school a lot. =(

In the past, I am always complaining about the need to wear school uniform, wake up early to attend school and more.

The moment I heard the bell rang, my stomach felt hungry and I went over to Angerline telling her, "RECESS TIME!!!~"

She was shocked with my reaction but I was really hungry after reaching school at 715am and got to run about because of SOMEONE who is so "EFFICIENT".

Luckily, we only have to explain the slides to two classes and we are done for the day.

Lots of photos were taken only during the presentation of Diploma of Materials Science slides by me, the official photographer of the event!

After that, we took a taxi back and on the way back, me and Angerline took tons of photos and joke until...Dr Kam told Sin Nee that as long as there're the two of us, the atmosphere would be very light and happy.

*Shy*

By the way, if any of you reading this blog is going to meet me soon, be PREPARED!

According to Qi Zhen, she said that I am not normal today!

I am too hyper and chirpy.

But only Angerline understands...

I am like that due to the overwhelming tiredness and sadness.

Haiz...

Naughty Gal

I am a naughty girl today.

Today is the last day of class for MTH 103 - Calculus and Statistics.

Instead of being early and staying throughout class, I went in 15 minutes late and walked out of the class 15 minutes prior to the end of class.

Oops.

My very first time doing that since I started schooling.

Why did I do that?

I got another class test on this coming friday but I have yet to study anything single thing.

How am I going to get less than 3 wrongs out of the 30 questions posed this time round???

Kay. I shall stop blogging.

Blog more tomorrow.

Going to study now at 1126hrs.

Yawn...

Hungry...

男人？& I'm still waiting. =(

男人

男人是一种什么样的动物？

是视觉？触觉？还嗅觉动物呢？

我试着去想，可是不管我多努力都想不通。

最近，因为一些事情让我对男人越来越没信心。

从小，我就一直深信一个人一辈子只会爱一个人。

在我的成长过程中，我发现现实往往和虚拟不符合。

但我还是以前的我，还是希望会有那么一个能一辈子爱我的人。

就像现在的我还在等待那个人的出现，那个有资格让我一辈子都爱着的人。

等待。。。

我相信当我的那个他出现的话，我一定会勇敢地相信爱情。

直到那天。。。

I wondered and pondered if I have judged you wrongly.

I am confused, especially, when too many "coincidents" ("" as I don't know if it's really coincidents yet!) and words from people around us contradicts whatever you told me.

Everything in my world came crashing down that very moment.

I have never been strong nor secure in my entire 21 years of life.

Despite doing so many things trying to shut you out from my heart, I am still waiting for you to appear in person, out of the blue, and explaining everything to me.

Perhaps, it's no longer possible.

Perhaps, it's really my fate.

Perhaps, it's all just a dream.

I know a lot of people will come and scold me for typing such an entry but what if I have really misunderstood that person?

Haiz.

I'm trying very hard to numb myself from all the studying and working.

But, instead of being able to study and do my job well, I realised that I have in return compensated my health for it.

I don't know how long more I can endure before I collapse one day in class.

Have you been reading my blog recently to understand or feel my feelings and thoughts?

Or you have already give up and forget that there's still such a person here?

Help!!!~

HELP!~

I can't get myself to study for the coming Anatomy and Physiology test...

Should I take one day leave this friday again?

Taking the third consecutive friday off might get someone pissed off with me.

What should I do?

My nice study buddy, Adrian, was asking me to play first then study for the next few days. Hahax. I think he doesn't want to be the only one playing so asking me to play as well. But I shan't listen to him since I have very packed schedule this week again with dental appointment, lessons and badminton sessions.

I need retail therapy.

But I need to save money since I don't really wish to work after the contract ends.

By the way, for friends reading my blog.

Don't use retail therapy as a reason to buy branded goods.

Dr Kam once told me and Angerline that only people that are capable can buy branded goods.

Don't understand?

It simply means that if you want to carry a bag worth $500, you must make sure that you have at least three times the amount which is $1500 cash in the bag.

If not, it's just so embarassing to carry the bag around and not having money to pay or buy other things.

Haiz.

My head and heart hurt so much and I don't have any remedy to it.

Maybe I will really need to bang my head hard onto the wall or do something more extreme since someone agreed to die with me. Hahax.

我一直觉得我是一个命不好的女人。

经过那么多事情后，我更深信这个信念。

不久前，我经常梦到我和心爱的人永远会因为一些莫名的事件而不能在一起。

Unlucky Day

Today all my plans didn't go as scheduled.

Met up with Shu Yi at 11am at Plaza Singapura and I was late for at least 15 minutes due to the traffic jam. Then after lunch, we walked all the way to National Museum of Singapore for the Quest for Immortality, The World of Ancient Egypt Exhibition. However, due to technical issues, we were unable to go into the galleries. Thus, we need to make another date to return to view it and the rest of the exhibition galleries. =(

We, then, headed to Marina Square for KBox.

The lady who attended to us was pretty nice. She gave us the time slot from 130pm to 500pm which was pretty rare as they always eat into our time than to give us extras. The two of us took turns to sing. Shu Yi sang lots of cantonese songs while I sang lots of sad and emo songs.

After the singing, we went to walk around Marina Square, Suntec City and City Link.

Within one hour, we spotted three friends from RP and approximately four friends from WSSS. The three friends from RP were Nicholas, Shu Cheng and Chen Hui while the four friends from WSSS were Yi Long, Shawn, Samuel and William.

Gosh!

How lucky can one be?

Took MRT to Chinatown to have dinner.

Dinner was tang yuan and tim sum. =)

We ended the meeting session at 8pm.

Why do I find it so difficult to have someone there to support and tide me over all the tough periods of my life?

It seemed like I am fated to force and lie to myself so that I can go through everything independently. But I am so tired of such a life and am trying very hard to break away from it. Till now, I am still wondering what can I do to improve my state of living.

Just a while ago, Geok Hui was asking and answering the question below on her own when it's meant for me :

Her question: Where got people lie to themselves until such extent?

Her answer: I know. Only you!

My answer: Me! I like to protect myself by lying to myself.

(The question and answer had been slightly amended due to the language used in MSN and the language to be used here.)

I shall stop here today since I need to stop pondering deeper so that I can study for my test on Friday which was told ONLY today by my lecturer.

It's so nice of her. =.=

2nd Annual Leave

At last, I managed to go to the Body Worlds Exhibition at Singapore Science Centre.

It's very fascinating how smart Dr Gunther von Hagens is to invent the technique of preserving biological samples through plastination.

From what I read about plastination, based on my recollection at the exhibitions, is a technique of preserving the samples by removing the fats and water and replacing it by polymer before curing in the position intended.

At the exhibition, apart from plastinates to do the explanation on the wonders of the various parts of our body, there're also slices of the body.

The slices ranging between 2mm-5mm.

Imagine the precision and attention required from the personnel handling the biological samples skillfully to prevent any damages.

In addition, we should not forget that the biological samples include human specimens and the delicate parts in us.

信任

信任对每个人都拥有着不同的定义。

那到底对什么样的人需要给与什么样的信任？

4th March 2010

Finally, I have some time for myself . =(

Thankfully, I'm on leave tomorrow so that I can visit the Body Worlds Exhibition at Singapore Science Centre before it ends on the 6th March 2010.

Firstly, I must thank Angerline for sending me a song that holds great meaning to me.

The song is titled '放生'.

I know this song was released long ago but apparently, I had no life other than studying during my diploma years or working until someone recommend me this.

This song is nice depending on which angle you choose to listen from.

Personally, to me, this song is a good hint from that person to me.

Perhaps I should have gotten the hint earlier such that things wouldn't have gone so far out until I can't do anything but to forcefully shut myself up.

Next, I found a tutor to coach me in my mathematics modules in UniSIM.

It's very expensive.

S$420, 4 sessions, 1.5 hours per session.

Don't ask me why I need to take tuition at university level but kindly encourage me.

I need my A+s badly.

The Grade Point Average System (GPA)

A+: More than 85

A: 80 to 85

A-: 75 to 79

B+: 70 to 74

B: 65 to 69

B-: 60 to 64

C+: 55 to 59

C: 50 to 54

D+: 45 to 49

D: 40 to 44

F: Less than 40

Honors System

First Class -> A+, A, A-

Second (Upper) Class -> B+

Second (Lower) Class -> B

Third Class -> B-

My aim is to get FIRST CLASS HONORS!!!

Thus, I would need lots of As particularly A+s!!!

I guess I am falling sick soon.

Not sure if there's haze but my eyes hurt whenever I stepped out of RP and I'm having headache quite frequently.

If anyone knows any relevant news, please tell me. =)

Why can't my gastric not give me any problems when I don't eat?

Hate my sensitive nose and blocked sinus.

Hate my gastric too.

Argh~

S.T.R.E.S.S.E.D

I'm feeling so stressed now.

Today, I sort of got myself into more troubles by reminding Dr Kam that she got to clear all her CE activities and her projects before my contract ends in mid of June.

Thus, as we were doing work at her cubicle, more and more ideas came up.

In the end, there are currently two activities (Freshmen Orientation Programme - FOP and Materials Science Fun Fair), two projects (不能说的秘密 - in case some people reading my blog entries decided to STEAL our ideas and publish in paper. =X), one IAEP (International Academic Experiential Programme) trip to KL and at least two CE activities (one lab tour to Shimadzu and one SKI activity).

In additional, Dr Kam is going to do collaboration with bachelor/master students and perhaps with SHL from RP (due to the machine she was introduced to today).

How am I going to finish all the above in 3 and 1/2 months with Dr Kam?!?!

School work is getting worse.

I am seriously very stuck in Probability.

It's a combination of A level mathematics and polytechnic engineering mathematics!!!

I didn't even take any of the above.

No one in my diploma ever came up with such modules.

Someone help me before I locked myself in my room everyday to mug and see stars!~

A New Start

I officially announced the opening of this new blog on the 2nd March 2010! =)

This shall mark the beginning of my new life.

I shall forgo all the unhappiness and sadness in my past 20 years, 7 months and 5 days of life.

Finally one month had passed since I started the journey of working and studying.

It was tough and tiring since I need to handle both the stuffs well and good.

Work has never been easy especially for now.

There are so many conferences, congress and seminars coming up.

From 17-19 Mar 2010, 4th Materials Research Society of Singaore (MRS-S) Conference.

From 1-6 August 2010, 6th World Congress on Biomechanics (WCB) in conjunction with 14th International Conference on Biomedical Engineering (ICBME) and 5th Asian Pacific Conference on Biomechanics (APBiomech).

Not sure of the dates yet. National Healthcare Group (NHG) 9th Annual Scientific Congress (ASC) 2010.

I am going crazy soon with the lack of ideas for poster presentation for both MRS-S and WCB, and the time for doing experiments for the ASC 2010.

With the above, it's not helping me with the studies at all.

Anatomy and Physiology class is manageable after the first class test (88.9/99.9) while Calculus and Statistics is horrible after first class test (83/100) when I can't understand the probability that my dear lecturer trying to teach. I think I need to work harder and '咬紧牙根'! =)

Oh ya, I need suggestion!

Should I apply for the scholarship since I am aiming for first class honors?